My dad had a heck of a year. Not the “Wow, biking through France again?” kind of year. Instead, he experienced the “How much more can this guy take?” kind of year. A triple play of surgeries spread across the months: lung and aneurysm surgeries, and the big daddy, open-heart surgery. He was like a boxer in the ring refusing to hit the mat. He staggered back from each blow with his jaw set and fists clenched, fully engaged in the decision to charge ahead.

As he was being wheeled into the operating room for another round of fun one day, the surgical team approached. They gravely delivered bad news—dangerous new risks now teetered precariously on top of the original risks. “Richard, do you want to proceed?” they asked, peering over the tops of their surgical masks. He looked around at everyone. He looked at me. “What choice do I have? I want to live.” And with that proclamation he revealed one of the secrets to successful aging—wanting to do it.

But there must be more to doing it well than simply wanting to. In the months since his recovery, I often reflect on what I learned from my dad during that long year. I watched as he used honesty, self-care, personal rights and boundaries, courage, level headed decision-making and humor to approach the most insanely daunting days. At age 74, he embodied the “right stuff” when the chips were down and adversity knocked on his door. I witnessed similar behavior before when my mom passed away—another time of trial for us both. I wonder—what gives him that extra strength when he needs it? Each of us can expect tough times and situations, especially during our later years. But, are there behaviors and practices we can adopt at any time to help as we age, especially in the face of difficulty?

A Clue to Successful Aging

You’d be amazed at the depth, breadth and volume of research being conducted around the world on topics related to older adulthood. From Korea to Australia and England to Taiwan, people are very interested in improving quality of life, which is one measure of successful aging. By the year 2030, one in every five Americans will be 65 or older. This growing segment of our population, and current older Americans, are already familiar with healthy behavior choices that ease the transition to our later years, helping us to age “well”—continued physical activity, better nutrition, intellectual stimulation, quitting smoking, regular health screenings etc. However, there is something else that stands out as a new area of opportunity—cultivating resilience.

Resilience, defined as flourishing despite adversity, turns out to be a key factor in the relationship between adversity and quality of life, specifically at older ages. Resilience creates a type of protective barrier enabling us to “bounce back” more effectively from difficult times. Adversity caused by health, stress, general living circumstances, finances, or difficult events such as bereavement will challenge many older adults at some point. Based on this premise, researcher Zoe Hildon, M.A., PhD, and her colleagues investigated what, if any, characteristics can bolster our resilience, buffering the negative affects of adversity, therefore protecting quality of life. Luckily for us, this research points to steps we can start today, regardless of our age, to create a plan for well being in later life.

Coping Strategies

The first way to fortify our defenses against tough times is to use healthy coping strategies. Solution-driven coping strategies offer the most protection when we face difficult situations. For example, learning from a problem or teaching ourselves how to adjust and adapt to a problem gives us proactive techniques that maintain our autonomy, control, self-realization and pleasure—all factors contributing to quality of life in later adulthood. Facing limitations or newly defined realities with creative thinking, working around problems and integrating them are critical for developing resilience.

On the other hand, avoidance is a coping strategy that fosters feelings of being overwhelmed by adversity. Pretending that everything is fine and denying the reality of challenges sidesteps the issue, preventing us from engaging in meaningful problem solving. Additionally, focusing on negative feelings or situations dampens the energy required to pursue adaptive means of coping, literally blocking great ideas for coping from our awareness.

Using avoidance or denial as a coping style significantly increases feelings of vulnerability regarding quality of life in later adulthood. If this is your natural way of handling things, now is a good time to start practicing new, more resilience-promoting strategies.

Make a Friend, Be a Friend

The second resilience-boosting technique relies on fostering social connections. However, it’s not the number of friends or family members in our contact file that matters here. Instead, it is the true quality of these relationships that really counts. These relationships are special—you feel loved, taken care of and accepted.

People who join into a quality relationship with you are available, can be counted on, support and encourage you and make you feel like an important part of their lives. If you enjoy this type of support in your life currently, continue the effort it takes to nurture a good friendship. Or, to improve the quality of your relationships, try being more emotionally available to begin the reciprocity common in meaningful personal connections.

It Takes a Village

Perhaps you are familiar with the saying “It takes a village”, spoken in reference to the role of community in nurturing youth. However, the third resilience-building step recognizes that “the village” continues to serves as a powerful ally during all the years of one’s life—creating a sense of belonging and self-actualization for older adults as well.

Older adults who participate in community organizations, volunteer opportunities or paid employment manage adversity more favorably, even during particularly distressing times. Being integrated as a valued member of the community, especially in an activity of our choosing, is a sure-fire way to bolster our resilience. To find the right fit within your village, look for opportunities to highlight your skills and talents, concentrating on those that bring pleasure or expose you to new things.

The Final Word

The evidence is clear—at older ages, the resilient are able to shield, negate or transform the potential force of adversity, thus protecting quality of life. Considering this new insight, it is reassuring to know we each have the power to cultivate this attribute at any age. To super charge your own resilience starting today, remember these three steps: engage solution-driven coping strategies, develop quality relationships and create meaningful involvement in the community. You’ll be on your way to thriving in older adulthood through the life-enhancing qualities of resilience.